Posted by Ilicia on July 20, 2010
I know a lot of us wish we had done some things differently in life. I am one of those people who believe that everything down to the hole in my underwear is there for a reason. Everything serves a purpose and we just don’t know it yet. Sometimes it’s made clear to us: “If I had been early for work I would have got caught in the rain and there was an accident on I-20…” Yet other times, things may not ever be revealed to us and we are just left to wonder.
Truth is, the thing about wondering what could have been and what should have been never seems to satisfy the ache caused by the absence of the truth. What I’m saying is that we may never know why what happened to our children happened or what caused it… what we do know is that we are here for them to nurture, love, and support them the best way we know possible.
I’ve found in my quest for “why” continued to eat at me until I came to grips with everything. Realizing that this blessing from God that I had given birth to was a bright, beautiful individual with gifts to offer the world was kinda difficult for me at first. We focus so much on the negative that sometimes we can’t see the miracle that’s staring at us everyday. For this little boy to come into my life and share with me his askew view of the world and his genuine, pure sweetness… I couldn’t ask for a better son. His naivety and true sheer amazement with things that are so miniscule to the average person (and his ability to show me the beauty and wonder in them) is such an adventure… I’m blessed to be his mother.
And maybe it’s because I know that because he has autism and that his mindset will be absent of falsehoods and maliciousness… that he will be sheltered somewhat more than other boys from the world, I know that trouble that typical parents might face, I may not face. Then again, who knows what kinda “ladies man” or “hell cat” I maybe raising. *LOL* The point is: We don’t know. That’s scary as hell but I love him… I love him for today and everyday that I’m blessed to be with him and no matter who he becomes I know that I am apart of molding that. It makes me proud.
I know we ask: “Well, will he be able to drive? Will he have a girlfriend? Will he go to Prom? Will he be in love or will someone love him?” We wont know these things but what I do know is I will help give him every opportunity to live life as a typical young man. If he can handle it or can be prepared for it, I’ll try it. These questions scare us all. The future is frightening… but so is everybody’s future… we don’t know what will happen to US in the next few minutes let alone years!
We all have fears that they will be mistreated and abused but any typical child can experience all of this as well. Our children are more susceptible to this because of their innocence and disability. This is where it is our job to go the extra mile in teaching them about “stranger danger” and “good touch, bad touch” (but on steroids x100) so that they can understand or even be a little over-reactive (this is a good thing to me) in being cautious about who they can trust and who they can’t. Trust me, I, on occasion have had nightmares about my son being hurt by someone and I couldn’t get to him or he couldn’t explain to me what had happened to him. This is why I am proactive in teaching him about his body parts and the correct name for everything, where his penis is and not to let anyone touch his penis, that if someone tries to touch him scream NO!…. for a while I didn’t know if he understood what I was saying but I have come to realize that I underestimate my son sometimes and he has a good understanding of what I want. Trust your kids and that they can understand you even if you don’t get the type of response back that you think you should. They will surprise you with what they can retain.
Do all you can and spend that extra “face time” with them everyday. Don’t just be teachers… be “active listeners” too. They have some interesting things to say, especially when what they are trying to get at finally comes together. You both have that “ah-ha moment” *LOL*
Try not to worry about that aspect of things and focus on right now. What can you do for your baby today… work on tomorrow… see where it goes.
Posted in MY FAMILY AND AUTISM, Message for my peeps | Tagged: beautiful, hope, love | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Ilicia on July 20, 2010
For the newbies of this site: I want to know (and I’m sure others do too) about what it is that you’ve experienced with your child and autism. Please feel free to express yourself. Everyone else should know it’s okay to comment and give encouraging words and love.
Posted in June/July 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Ilicia on February 19, 2010
I watched this movie on HBO that recently just aired…last week, I think but I wanted to share this with you because I feel that if you have a child with autism/aspergers syndrome that you MUST watch this movie. I’m not gonna spoil it for you but basically it’s about Temple Grandin, a woman with autism, and her struggles from her diagnosis to her adult life and what she had to overcome to succeed. Yes, she is a success. I literally CRIED during this movie… there are also parts where you will laugh and be amazed (just the way the film is made with certain sounds and visuals to let you “the viewer” know what she “Temple” is hearing or seeing). Claire Danes KICKED ASS in this movie and did an amazing job playing Temple. Please… please, I urge you all to watch this movie and let your friends watch this movie and keep this movie in circulation because we have to let everyone know that our children are “different, not less”. That was the theme of the movie and I feel as though this movie should be required watching for any newly diagnosed child’s parent. It’s profound and eye-opening. You wont regret looking at it.
Posted in In the world..., MY FAMILY AND AUTISM, Message for my peeps | Tagged: autie moms, autism awareness, beautiful, movie theatre, special education, talking, teaching, Temple Grandin, triumph | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Ilicia on July 27, 2010
Okay, I don’t know if you guys heard about the lady from Irving, Texas that killed her children. *sigh* She killed her children because they had autism. My husband turns on the television to watch the news first thing in the morning. I felt a soft nudge and heard my husband say, “Babe, look at this.” I literally had tears in my eyes and my mouth was open with disbelief with what I was hearing that morning. They played the 911 call and I went from being hurt by it to immediately being pissed. The lady had the wherewithal to say what she did (in great detail) to try to kill her children. I think it was cleaning products she tried to get them to drink and they wouldn’t so she then took a wire and choked them both til they died.
I have so many issues with this. First, I’ve heard people say that it may have been a culture thing where the lady was Pakistani and to have children with any illness would be a shame on the family. Another thing is, where was her family members or anyone else… friends? Someone must have known she was having thoughts of doing this. I thought, “maybe she was depressed.. postpartum, I don’t know” but the 911 call just sucked all that empathy I had for her up as I heard her voice (no tremble, no crying) explain what she did like as if to say, “Yeah, I did it… and?” In my opinion (and I’m not a doctor or a medical professional so I don’t know) I really believe she did this, plotted this, and was not remorseful at all. With that being the case, for me, they need to fry her ass.
Why? Because, she had so many other options: if you don’t want your kids, take them to the fire department, QuikTrip, hell a local hospital and DROP THEM OFF. They wont ask you anything. If you feel like you are a danger to your children or you just don’t want them anymore, give them a chance at life and give them away. You didn’t have to kill them. That shit was just… wrong.
There are other factors we can throw in as well like the whole diagnosis process. I mean, after they tell you your child has autism… your mental status is rather… altered. We clearly need counseling or some kind of therapy after all that. But, I can say that even with all that I have gone through and the devastation I felt after hearing those words, I could never hurt my baby. He came from me. Even if he remained non verbal and he never got potty trained… blind, cripple, crazy (OR WHATEVER) I would never hurt my son.
I am still upset with this woman though… in anger my advice would have been #KILLYOURSELF if you just can’t take it. Those kids had yet to live life and your selfish ass took it from them.
Then again… *sigh* I’m less angry so if it’s found that she was sane when she did what she did, she needs to be punished by the system. There does need to be changes in all ways of coping with the autism diagnosis and having a support system. She should have had someone she could have told she didn’t want her children so that they could have been removed from her home. This could have honestly went another way.
This shit has to stop. (Video Here)
Posted in In the world... | Tagged: what the hell, it dont make no sense, murder, RIP | 1 Comment »
Posted by Ilicia on July 20, 2010
I have recently been thinking that with my son going to a new school (be it that school being in the heart of the “hood” and raggedy as hell) and the disgust that I feel for the independent school district in my area, it’s pretty safe to say that I feel the need to make drastic changes in our lives. Lately I’ve been looking into other school districts and checking out their teaching methods when it comes to autism and “reverse mainstreaming”… you know, really trying to see if there are some people around that actually think outside the box instead of trying to make you sit down in it and praise you for it like it’s an improvement.
I dislike the fact that the school my son is leaving, during our ARD meetings, would listen to me rant and rave about change, “teaching around the disability”, and introducing new methods by way of “teaching in intervals” like circuit training in a gym only academics. They look at me like I’ve lost my mind and I get highly pissed. It’s after meetings like that I realize the fire I have inside me would probably only be quenched if I was to find a profession that I could change the way things were done. How does one change the fact that in this school all the PPCD children are lumped together and taught the same thing exactly the same way? How does one change the way that other educators still think that because a child has autism, they can not learn the same thing their typical counterparts can?
These same teachers, who by the way openly admitted to me that they knew very little about autism, called me on the phone the whole school year complaining that my child couldn’t sit for a certain period of time, was disrupting their classes, and having tantrums every blue moon. I would respond in the same way, “That’s autism… that’s the symptoms of his disability. Are you punishing him for that? Why are you calling me when you know why he’s doing all this? Oh, I forgot… you don’t know much about autism”. Yet, in the ARD meeting, they want to treat you like you are crazy for speaking up because they are the one’s with the degree and you only taught your 4-year-old how to speak, read, and write… understand emotions, count money, enhance his personality, and help his social communication thrive. That’s all. You are not qualified to know how to educate him. They want you to focus on how long he can sit. I strongly feel that the traditional methods that are being used, for lack of a better word, sucks.
But, this is what’s burning my brain… what could I do to change this? What could be my major in college? I don’t know… I just know I have all this ambition and drive to make a difference.
Truth is, I want to be some sort of consultant to public and private schools. I want to change the curriculum (let me rephrase this: improve the curriculum) and the way that our children are taught. I would love to make this part of my career but I don’t know how. If anyone does… let a sista know.
Posted in MY FAMILY AND AUTISM | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Ilicia on April 29, 2010
I know I’m late but I really want to hear about your stories. We can all learn something new or ask others that may have the answers to your questions. Please, share your story with us!
Posted in -April/May 2010, Share Your Story | 2 Comments »
Posted by Ilicia on April 29, 2010
Hey Ya’ll,
I just wanted to share something that I thought was very interesting. I’m using not one for reading long articles but this one (because of my own thirst for knowledge about the origins of my child’s autism) I read slowly and carefully. It’s an article from Autism Speaks (some of us are kind of leery of what Autism Speaks puts out and their real agenda but I bit and I sort of agree with what I read. Not fully, sort of…) that explains how in utero the fetus’ brain is affected by something preexisting in the mother and that they hope to develop a test (just like down syndrome and other disorders have) to detect this early and take the proper precautions (whatever those are). I’m just glad they have something in the works as far as a WHY? I know some people don’t really want to focus on why but want the cure. Both of these go hand in hand to me so we will all be satisfied, I think.
(PLEASE READ THIS) I wouldn’t put it on here if it wasn’t a good read.
Here’s the link: Autism Speaks:
I mean, it makes sense… but what about the other 70+% that either believe it was vaccines or the environment? I dont know. I’m just glad they are producing something for us to even ponder over. It’s great they are researching and making these discoveries. They need to continue and put more towards awareness (maybe advertising ob/gyn would help, clinics, etc.)
What do you think about it? Leave me some comments.
Posted in MY FAMILY AND AUTISM | Tagged: autism, newness, autie moms, autism parents, autism awareness, autism autistic | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Ilicia on April 29, 2010
First of all, let me just give EVERYBODY a big I AM SO SORRY because I know I’ve been “slippin’ on my pimpin’“. *SMILE* I haven’t written anything in at least two month and it’s been because of my focus on school and losing weight. I would like to say that I’ve made good grades and I’m 40 lbs lighter (applause) Thank you, Thank you *LOL*.
I will be on here more often, I promise, due to changes in schools and career plans. It’s funny how we plan things to go one way and they tend to make a sharp turn off the deep end of a cliff. I can’t been disappointed because I am the type of person that truly believes that everything happens for a reason (from my son being diagnosed to me not being able to apply for the ADN RN program). Yes, because of a technicality, I can’t apply for that program but I’m exercising other options. I’m getting my LVN first and then doing a bridge program to get my RN. I just say, “Lord, I want to do it how you want me to do it…”. So I’ll wait for my season. I’m still shakin’ back from the sting of disappointment but I know ya’ll know how I feel.
So that’s what’s been going on with me, so far…
Posted in Message for my peeps, What's poppin' now | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Ilicia on February 19, 2010
Hey, folks! Thank you for just being here and reading what I have to say. I can’t express what it feels to be heard and to help in any way that I can. I’m in school this semester and I’m taking chemistry, music appreciation, and a few other classes that are essential for my health and well-being.
I know a lot of you have experience what I have and have gone through a bout of depression and have probably handled it the way I did… with food. Food was my friend for a while and I gain a lot of weight through my grieving and trying to cope with things going on in my life. In December of last year, I got so fed up and disgusted with myself that I decided that I needed to make a change in my life and take it back. I was going into the new year feeling good and confident on the inside but it didn’t reflect what I looked like on the outside.
I’ve been in aerobic fitness, yoga, and walking since January 19th and have been officially ‘watching my weight” since January 1st. I am proud to say that I’ve lost 20 lbs and will keep on losing until I reach my goal.
I finally feel that I have control over my life and that I am making a difference everyday.
Dont let depression and sadness overtake you. Dont feel alone. Get your life back and claim victory over all. Be proactive and fight against what ails you. You’ll be surprised what will power and new purpose can do for your figure. *smile*
Love you,
Ilicia
Posted in Message for my peeps, What's poppin' now | Tagged: beautiful, change, hope, joy, last chance to love me, new life, newness, that's whassup, triumph, weight loss | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Ilicia on January 14, 2010
OMG I love him. This man is so sexy and he is the actor that plays Sawyer/James Ford/Jim La Fleur in the TV show Lost. He is so handsome and one of my favorite actors… to look at. *L* Your thoughts?
Posted in In Entertainment, In the world... | 1 Comment »
