I’ve been through this, thank God, and have little to no problems out of my son now but I realize that other mothers may be in this stage. Say you’re at the grocery store and your kid starts screaming to the top of his/her lungs for any number of reasons: they want something you just passed by, they don’t want to go down the aisle you just went down, they are hungry and didn’t tell you/couldn’t tell you, the sounds being made in the store are too much to take, or just because they want to. This is hard to deal with because it’s not just like any other child’s tantrum. I think an autism tantrum is different in that the child wants something/or wants to tell you something in which they cant express whereas with a typical child they can just tell you and if you are saying no about it they then show defiance.

I can tell you from personal experience that this was beyond embarrassing for me because I would either get one of two responses from people (mostly other women). One response would be (damn her kid is bad, if I was her I’d whoop that kid’s ass, she’s letting that kid run over her) and the other would be (she’s being pretty rough on that kid, does she have to discipline her child here, she’s abusing her kid, that is so wrong). Either way you feel like “damned if I do, damned if I don’t”. People from first glance are not going to be able to tell that your child is handicapped and you are showing restraint and being patient with the next moves you’re trying to make to counteract your child’s behavior.

There is a solution to your problem, though, it will take a lot of work and patience on your part. When your at the store, find out what is triggering the tantrum. If it is something that they want and can’t say it, take it home with you and work on saying/or signing for this item. Bring toys and food with you to the store so your baby can be preoccupied while you shop. Make a little booklet or notepad with a story (I did this one) that explains what happens while going to the store.

If it’s an issue with wanting a food or toy in the store before you pay for it, here’s something you can do.  I suggest giving your child some money, let them get in front of you, and show them how to pay for their items (that way they can eat/play with it and you can be at ease). If they can’t wait until you get finished shopping, try it in the middle of your shopping and start your shopping back up after you’ve given them the money and they’ve paid for their things. You have to teach them there is an order to shopping and I wouldn’t just give the item to them to have because they will want to open and eat everything and it’ll just defeat the purpose of what you’re teaching.

Sometimes your child, having autism, is so used to routine that any little variance from that can cause a tantrum. You have to understand that in their minds things are supposed to happen the same way, if it doesn’t the tantrum happens. Say for instance, you notice that you child has a hard time transitioning from place to place or from activity to activity. What you can do then is tell you child, ” Okay, in 5 minutes we are leaving the store and going home.” “Okay, in 3 minutes we are leaving and going home”… and so on until you get to a minute and then reach out your hand and start walking slowly away. They will then associate this with leaving one thing and starting something else. Your child may not even understand the concept of time or minutes but it will be a repetitive thing that happens during a transition. (This is what worked for me, it might work for you).

Just know that you can’t stop taking your child places because of how they behave. If you have to explain to waitresses/waiters in restaurants that your child has autism and that you need a well-lit place with minimal noise, do that. That is your right. You have a right to have a good time and be accommodated when you patronize a place. You have to get your child used to socializing and different environments. As time goes on and as your child gets older, it gets better.

If you have to explain to onlookers and people with frowns and confused looks that your child has autism, then do that. It spreads information and stops ignorance in its tracks. Because at the rate autism is going, in the future they all will know someone with a child with autism. Sometimes we forget that they, our children, look typical and it’s hard for people to imagine such normal looking children have this disorder. It is our job to educate people about it and show them that our children do matter and they will respect us.